02-Nov-2004 6:30am
I think that I am going to vote today. I know that this is a completely stupid thing for me to do. The line is going to be tremendously long. Some people voted days earlier to avoid the rush, but still spent hours waiting in line to cast their early vote.
Why do we do this? Is it because we want our voice heard? Is it because we think that it is our civic duty? Is it because we think we’ll change the world?
No. We have bought in to the crap, “If you don’t vote then you have no right to complain.” That statement is total bull. Just because I didn’t vote on how my hair was going to fall out does not mean that I can’t get miffed that I have a patch of hair in the front of my head that is starting to resemble the state of Florida. (I now fondly refer to that lovely patch as “my peninsula”.)
The fact is, we have a need to complain. Not being able to complain about Washington would be like trying to hold in all your farts for a year.
It is as if I was a slave and my massa is going to beat me. But my massa is a benevolent massa so he’s going to let me vote on whether I want to be whipped 98 times or 97 times. And I’ll vote for that lesser of evils, 97 lashes, because if I don’t vote I don’t have the right to scream, “Oh lawdy Jesus massa please doan beat me no mo!”
You have to vote because eventually you’ll get in to some political conversation with someone who is a total idiot. He’ll have nothing thoughtful to offer but possibly regurgitate something he heard Hannity, O’Reilly, or Limbaugh say. But when he finds out that you didn’t vote, he then has an out. “Well, if you didn’t vote then you have no right to complain!” Just bite me Uncle Tom!!
So, at some point this morning I’m going to go stand in line so that I have a right to complain. The problem with Bush and Kerry is that you can’t figure out which one is equivalent to 97 lashes and which is 98.
Given that Bush and Kerry are just fascist butt faces, I’m going to vote for Michael Badnarik, the Libertarian. Voting Libertarian always draws the ire of Republicans and Democrats. Democrats can’t figure out what a Libertarian is because in their world view there are only Democrats, the benevolent mattress moisteners, and there are Republicans, the evil bible thumping corporatist racist homophobe nature-raping exploitive rich Republicans. Trying to explain Libertarianism to a Democrat voter makes a message pop up on his forehead that reads, “Abort, Retry, Fail?”
In the end, Democrats are ok with my vote for the Libertarian. Since I have short hair, clean skin, wear plaid shirts, live in the suburbs, and my testicles are not pierced, they figure that there is no way I’m voting for thier guy. As long as I’m not voting for a Republican then that’s a good thing by them. And I just leave it at that because it is futile to try to get a Democrat to understand that supporting free enterprise does not axiomatically imply that you want to put gay people and Mexicans in a gas chamber. For them the concept is like trying to divide a number by zero. Abort, Retry, Fail!
Republicans, on the other hand, know dang well what a Libertarian is. They’ll lie about it and say that Libertarians are all about making crack and kiddie porn legal. But they know better.
Democrats, being the artsy fartsy types, only make the Republicans feel smug and superior. But Libertarians expose Republicans for the big government fascists that they are. They know it is true and it really pisses them off. If you want to see a Republican suddenly start defending the welfare/nanny state, just throw a little libertarianism his way.
When a Republican knows that you know that he knows that his guy is a lying big government fascist butt face, he’ll say one of three things:
1. “A vote for the Libertarian is like a vote for the Democrat!”
2. “Republicans are not as bad as the Democrats!”
3. “You know your guy has no chance of winning!”
1 & 2) How is a vote for a Libertarian like a vote for the Democrat? That’s just stupid. Who said that Republicans are the lesser of evils? If you look at national politics over the past 40 years, Republicans have expanded the welfare state greater than Democrats.
3) OK Einstein, I know that the Libertarian is not going to win. But what am I going to win if I vote for the other guy? Since I’m going to get whipped 97 or 98 times anyway and I’ll probably pass out at whip number 11, I might as well cast my ballot for, “Massa, I vote for you stickin’ that whip up yo ass and leavin’ me the hell alone!” It gives me a tiny little sense of rebellious satisfaction and besides, I still get the right to whine, complain, and compare scars with my fellow slaves.